for how long we have to wait.
this love is fading so slowly.
hey brain, shut the fuck up.
Still you hold the ways to keep me shaken. Your uncanny ability to phase me and drag me through the explosions I end up feeling in my chest. While my head tries to wrap itself around this it slowly begins eating it’s own tail. Entwined in this darkness I find. Divine lines that I draw everywhere. In my head, in my heart, and in my soul. This feeling that it’s taking it’s toll comes and gos, but now it’s getting kinda of old. I feel it’s all I know, though. A fact of life I’ve blanketed with way too much trust. Holding in the warmth only to have it torn away, and leave me shivering. Withering. Strange the ways our minds overlook memories of deceipt when it thinks back. Never reminding you of the lack that you couldn’t hack. Gracefully holding the hand that dealt you this sadness in the first place. Radiantly expressing that you don’t give a fuck of how hurt you were, how happy you are. How this change has shown you the stars. Gently letting go of the idea of drowning in what could have been. Fully embracing the fresh air I breathe in as I break the surface. These days hold a new sun, and it’s only just begun.
It’s not to say that, I won’t miss seeing the sun shine through the water above where I used to swim. But it started to become so dim that I began to grow cold, and that’s when I felt that I needed to go. We’d held our breath for so long, it just started to seem wrong. We’d left ourselves floating so cold in the insanity of it all. Flailing my arms down and up to keep myself feeling balanced but my arms got so tired. My lungs began to struggle holding in the that first breath I’d taken. I kept panicking that this wasn’t where we belonged, because I couldn’t see you through the water in my eyes anymore. I needed to make the decision to want to breathe again. It wasn’t easy at first, but now that I can feel the air in my lungs again; I can tell you that it feels so beautiful. Soothing my aching lungs with it’s freshness. Reborn into the new atmosphere I find to be going so well for me. I lay on my back and float serenly knowing that I can finally breathe easily. The warmth I feel from the sun lets me enjoy it’s energy as I bask in it’s beauty. I’m renewed with the way of the tide. It’s taking me wherever it will, as I’m willing to let it. I’ve given myself the way to new land. Everything in full sway as bliss takes me away. Never feeling like I’m on my way to fade, or that I’ll be stuck in the shadows of my previous ways. Owing everything to the embracing change. I’ve taken the chance to be completely hurtless, in decideding to have the confidence to break the surface.
Smile, everything will be okay.
I’ll keep trying to remind myself
I want to disappear so bad.
I left a stain in you so bitter. I’m acting so repulsive because I know I’m just the quitter who threw this in the shitter. I deserve for your shoulder to be cold, and I know that I can never place my head back there when my sadness starts to unfold. My temper is getting old. Raging screams. and horrible sentences; while I watched you sit there in breathlessness. I’m just meant to murder I guess. I need to let it be known, that I’m going crazy. Every fucking word of that is so hazy. All the while thinking about how maybe I just threw away something amazing, and put myself right back into the hole. so dark and cold. where I’m left to grow old; alone. Now I have every right to call it home. this fucking tomb in my darkness that blooms.
You didn’t deserve to be part of what I let go on in my head. You deserve something beautiful instead. I tried to let the past be dead but I’m not mature enough for that I guess.
I gotta confess, you having me less is probably for the best.
get me my shotgun.
This was all fucked from the start
And it’s been too long since we’ve heard your voice, or had your smile to melt away those feelings of sadness. You gave me hope. You gave us all hope. The times we shared will always mean the most to me. We all need to learn something from how you lived. Your laughter could always brighten up a room; and I will reminisce about the times we’d spend in run down bars watching the bands play. You’ll never fade in us. You’ll never fade. I’ll never lose you, don’t ever leave. You’ll never fade in us. You won’t fade. Then it’s like you’re never gone, and that’s how it needs to be. That’s how this needs to be. I know nothing will bring you back, but I hope you know you’ll always stay in my heart forever.
You will always be fighting with us,
and we will always be fighting for you.